Clouds

Had something of an epiphany yesterday. There's a part of me which is unconsciously keeping me at a distance from things, either out of habit or due to a fear of being disappointed. I thought I had got rid of it, but with Lisa yesterday, I realized that I hadn't, I had just forgotten about it. Now I know better.

Oh, it's been a good week so far, full of positivity, friendliness and love. And I'm actually feeling rather calm, much to my surprise. I awoke calm this morning. (I also awoke a bit too early but that's of no consequence.)

The other day I saw a program on Discovery Science, a channel I didn't even knew I had. The program was about men who believe that ancient monuments such as the pyramids were built by aliens. Their argument is pretty much: "Oh, come on, clearly they were built by aliens." Some were also saying that not only did the aliens build the pyramids and Stonehenge and various other things, but they did also create the human race by crossbreeding Neanderthals with aliens or something like that. This is something that explains why we humans have this feeling of abandonment and loss. And yes, NASA and various governments are hiding the truth from us.

There are of course far too many questions raised by all this, questions which will never be answered. One is how they find the time to come up with all this nonsense. But hey, whatever works.

Back home

It's business as usual. Running, bonding, sleeping, eating, washing and sweating. Still hot.

I'm sorting out my personal archive together with Helene. Stuff written by me, or to me, or newspaper articles I've saved, it's all being organized finally. Now it's like my whole life is spread out on the floor, or at least the last 19 years. There's been a lot of that lately, and it's both nostalgic and interesting. To see both how I've changed and how I haven't.

Another nostalgic thing is to watch The Cosby Show on TV. Haven't seen it for 20 years maybe but on one of the many channels the airwaves are littered with these days, they're showing the old episodes again. It's not the best in television history (although very influential), but it's comforting to watch. Soothing somehow. It's weird though how much the acting abilities differ among the cast.

I've finished reading Wilfred Thesiger. I liked the book a lot. At one point he's trying to get some sleep in the cold desert night. He's very hungry and even more thirsty and is feeling miserable. But then he asks himself if there's some place he'd rather be and when he realizes that the answer to that question is No, he relaxes, stops feeling sorry about himself and falls asleep.

And from Thesiger I've moved on to C.P. Snow. I'm now on my third of his Strangers and Brothers novels, The Affair. It's not great literature but he's sharp and knowledgable and they're unputdownable. After reading them you almost feel like you're a Fellow at Cambridge yourself, and that the selection of a new Master (as in The Masters) are among the most important things in your life.

By the way, I hope you know I have a film blog as well? Fredrik on Film. Go nuts!