Poems and memories

The birds are singing and I think the sun is getting ready to rise. I haven't gone to bed yet, instead I've been watching In her Shoes and getting sentimental. 

I like that film a lot and I've seen it many times. There's much to say about it but what brought on my sentimentality tonight was the poem by e. e. cummings Maggie (Cameron Diaz) is reading to Rose (Toni Collette) on Rose's wedding. It's a beautiful poem called i carry your heart, and it's the kind of poem I'd like to know, well, by heart.

The thing about romantic poetry (in English) is that it always reminds me of Jenny. She once, when I was in Australia in 2001, sent me three poems by e-mail. I had written to her and told her that I was feeling a bit lonely and sad, and so she sent me those poems. I didn't get them until a few days later because I'd been out walking in the desert, out of reach. But when I got back to civilisation (Alice Springs in fact) I got them. I printed them out and went to a café and had a turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce and read them. I was so incredibly touched by them, by the gesture.

I'm not generally sentimental, but I have a few weak spots, or what you might call them, and Jenny is such a spot. And the funny thing is that it doesn't have to be those three particular poems to remind me. None of the three poems were by e. e. cummings for example, like the poem in the film, but it doesn't matter. It's not the poem in itself, it's the poem as such that reminds me. 

My life would be considerably poorer without the poems, without Jenny. And even though we haven't seen each other for many years, my happy memories will never disappear. 

And now, I borrow my last words from another poem by cummings, maggie and milly and molly and may. The last words are:

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)

it's always ourselves we find in the sea

don't think of me

It's late, I'm drinking tea and listening to Dido. When I was in Auckland, New Zeeland, in 2002 I spent a lot of time at the big Border bookstore which also sold music and where you could listen to the albums for free. Dido was what I listened to most, Dido and Mano Chau.

I've got a new bed, much bigger that my previous, and it feels good. I've got some books with me in bed, four of them actually, lying on top of each other, and when I wake up, I don't want to leave the bed but stay there the whole day. If it wasn't for the warmth and the sun I probably would. Apparently it's going to rain on Monday so...

Right now I'm reading Temptations of the West: How to be Modern in India, Pakistan and Beyond  by Pankaj Mishra and Britton on Film - The Complete Film Criticism by Andrew Britton. The first one is excellent, Mishra is a favourite. He's writing about politics in South Asia, both on a personal level and on a national level. Here he's slightly repetitive, which may be due to the fact that the book as a collection of essays previously published in various newspapers and magazines, and now re-edited for a book. 

Andrew Britton is also good, when writing about films. When writing about politics he's much less astute. It's the other way around with Mishra.

Love and Longing

Someone dear said to me today "If I didn't know you I would fall in love with you." Now, I leave it to you to figure that one out.

This evening I shared a Cosmopolitan with someone I used to be very close with. She has probably looked deeper into my soul than anyone else, and understood more of it than anyone else. It's been some years since we saw each other regularly, now I just miss her regularly. I hope that this can be the beginning of something new, more substantial.

It's funny what it is that you actually miss after you loose someone. It might not even be what you appreciated most when you where with them. And also, what you miss might be different things at different times. You might miss one thing after three months, and a whole different thing after three years. I was at one time seeing a girl who had a son. It was him, the son, I missed the most afterwards, for some time. Probably because he even call me dad at one time. Now what I miss the most is the e-mails she and I sent each other in the beginning.

But today has not been a day of the past, today has in many ways been a day of the future. It has been a good day. I've been successful, in business and socially. After a lousy week I needed a break. I better enjoy it as much as possible, who knows when I get another chance?