The house of films

I've now only one month left until I move to Scotland and only one week left at work. The first part is thrilling; the second part is weird and sad. I love my job, and as I've been studying and working at Filmhuset, the Swedish Film Institute's main building in Stockholm, since 1993, it's been like a second home for me for 16 years. That's my whole adult life (so far). Today I've been taking photographs of the building, feeling a bit blue. Yes, it's more than just friends and family I'm going to miss, that's for sure. In all its ugliness, this is a dear old place.

The lining

Driving fast in a taxi on the dark deserted roads of Tbilisi in the night. Pet Shop Boys on the stereo. I ask not for more. My last day of my visit to Georgia is coming to en end and it's been one hell of a week. How am I going to adjust to a regular life after this, when I'm no longer traveling the world as the government's good cultural shephard?

Well, it's up to me. I have to act, and continue to live my dream.

Oh, yet another power cut. The third so far this week. Good thing the hotel has an emergency generator.

I'm getting more and more sure about myself. I hope I won't get to full of myself as a consequence. Instead I hope it'll make me more at ease and, well, less in need to show off. Still not there.

The Long Day Closes

The week in Britain was so very quick and so very rewarding. I met all the right people and did so much fun. Whilst going from one place to another, always in a hurry, I thought that it's typical that I don't have time to see or do anything Londonish, and no time for musicals or plays. But then I remembered that I will soon go back. And be very close to London for three years. I hadn't thought about that before, but when I realized it the strongest feeling was, I think, a feeling of relief.

This week has been warm and summery, but my idea of not be at work didn't really pan out. As it turns out, there's a lot involved when quitting your job. It's in itself a fulltime job. Rats! But soon, soon, I will actually be able to experience something of this summer before it's over and long gone.

But it hasn't been all work and no play. Yesterday was actually rather decadent with a two and a half hour lunch with the very lovely Sue, followed by a couple of hours with Maeby and Lisa. Maebs was more intense than ever and this time she already had her ball in her mouth when she greeted me so as not to waste any valuable time before we went out in the park.

And now I'm at home, listening to the music of Georges Delerue and thinking that maybe I should have some tea before bed.

Elaborate

is how you spell it. At work I all of a sudden completely forgot and the only thing I knew was that it wasn't spelled alaborate. At least that's something.

The eleven days of the Bergman festival in Stockholm are over and I have time to breath. Very busy day at work though. I haven't slept well lately either, mostly due to all the excitement. There's so much going on all the time everywhere. When will I get my rest? In July? I hope so.

I have exactly four weeks left at work, two of which I will spend at the office and to abroad, on the field. And then, come July 7, I will no longer be employed. Things will change. And it's a change I feel very strongly. My whole life, everything will change. It's exhilarating. And a little, scary? No, not scary but, weird.

Keyboards and such

It's comparatively quiet at the office, but for the constant clicking of human fingers on computer keyboards. I'm going through my inbox in outlook. With only a month left there's stuff to sort out, get rid of. Most e-mails serve no purpose any more, but some should be saved for future references and so go into my little archive. Some kind of monument over what I've done here the last years. But I'm glancing at the window. Is there sunshine on the outside? Should I take a manuscript and proofread it by the waterside? Should I stay or should I go? What would Clash do?

Time, and it's Quickness

It's already the 8th of February and it seems to me it was Christmas just the other day. What's that all about?

Last I wrote I complained about being at work but, as predicted, the next day went by in high spirits. I'm feeling confident and happy and it's ever so nice. It also helps that the atmosphere at the office is warm and playful. At my previous job on the other hand it seems it's been going downhill since I left. It's a shame actually.

Today I've seen Casablanca on the big screen, with a new print. It's certainly not the best of movies (and Howard Hawks' superficially similar To Have and Have Not made two years later is ever so much better), but it's still a very good film. It works on three levels: as a romantic thriller, as a political allegory about the Second World War and, today, as a mythological story which everybody knows and which has become a part of everyday life, with the music, the characters and the dialogue having a life of it's own. It has a kind of aura around it that very few films have. It's also a triumph of atmosphere and setting with Michael Curtiz' raw poetry being the perfect complement to the mixture of heartfelt romance and hilarious cynicism.

While I'm on the subject of the Second World War... I've also finished reading Unconditional Surrender. It's, as I've said, the last part of Evelyn Waugh's war trilogy Sword of Honour and it gets darker and more tragic as it progresses, up to its devastating climax. It's very good, and it made me want to reread Brideshead Revisited, still Waugh's masterpiece.

My next book is Gentlemen of the Road, by Michael Chabon. More on that later. Now I'd like to eat some crackers.

Working Alone

It's one hour past the hour I usually leave my office, but I've stayed on, waiting for J. It's kind of nice being here, almost alone in the building. I can do what I want, and no colleagues are watching me.

I have finally begun sorting out my photographs at home. That's what I did last week. I have millions of them, from the day I was born, up until last summer, and now almost all of them are in albums, in chronological order. It's like my life has flashed before my eyes, and without me being in any kind of danger. I've wanted to do it for a long time, and now, when I'm almost done, a sense of relief, mixed up with a sense of nostalgia, has filled me.

And now J. is calling. Time to leave.

The Westerner

For some reason I have fallen under the spell of the wild west. Lately that has led me to watch a lot of films by John Ford, reading My Ántonia by Willa Cather, and listening to famous themes from famous western movies. I have even been reading Lucky Luke, the French-Belgian comic books. This isn't something new, I have long had this soft spot for the frontier, ever since I was a child. And not just the American west of course, but the Australian equivalent as well. One of the best books I have read on the subject of frontier life, and early settlers, takes place in Australia, and is written by an Australian: The Tree of Man by Patrick White.

While we're on the subject, today I saw an interview with senator Barack Obama, and what suddenly struck me was how much he looks like some character from the Lucky Luke albums. Should the senator be reading this, I hope he understands that I mean in affectionately.

I have been on my new job for four days now, and I haven't done much yet, but it seems to me to be most agreeable. More news will follow. Now I'm hungry and in urgent need of food.

Melting Snow and Changing Jobs

Yesterday my new life begun. Possibly. We will soon find out. That was my first day free from my last dysfunctional job. Now I have a few days off, and will begin a new job next week. It feels good, I can tell you. It's like I'm finally relaxed after two years of stress. I'm off on a little trip this weekend, to celebrate. Just me. I won't even bring my mobile phone with me. I need to be alone.

What's sad is that the snow is beginning to melt. Now is probably the most unagreeable part of winter, when everything is ugly and grey outside, and the trees look dark and hostile, after having been so beautifully covered up in all that whiteness.

But the snow only melts in the real world, on my photographs it is eternal.

Snow White But Zero Dwarfs

It's been snowing for two days and everything is covered with a thick, soft, white layer of snow, and it's ever so pretty outside. It's a shame it'll soon turn grey or black, and just cause problems for pedestrians and drivers.

It's been a remarkably quiet weekend, and not only because the snow muffles the sounds outdoors. I haven't had any "musts", so I have been able to leisurely do whatever I have felt like. A as is so often the case, I felt like being with J. We spent the better part of Saturday watching the second season of Sex and the City, crawled up under a blanket, drinking tea, and keeping each other warm. What more could one possible ask for? Season three perhaps, which I hope we will get for next weekend.

I will probably be a bit short of cash this spring, because I will have a new job, and work less hours. I wonder what I will have to cut down on. Or maybe I should find some extra source of income, maybe try to get a few hours each month working as a substitute teacher. Oh, I don't know. Most of all I would just like to get away from it all for a month and get my strenght back, after the agonizingly stressful year of 2006. Apparently I will not be able to, but I will try to get a week at the very least. I think I need it, and what's more, I think I deserve it. I've been thinking about Spain, the southwest, around Cordoba and Seville. But since J. and I are planning a trip to Canada this summer, maybe I should save my money and just go visit a friend in a nearby city.

But first things first, now I will brush my teeth.

Almost Christmas

It's my last day at work this year, and I'm not going to lie. It feels great! Still no internet at home though, so pictures from Paris and other amusements will have to wait for a couple of days.

Merry Christmas to y'all!!

Day three without internet, and counting

I still haven't got internet working in my new apartment. Otherwise I'm very happy there, and things are going my way at work, finally. Friday was supposed to be my last day, but they don't want me to go, and are begging me to stay. I want to stay if I can do something different. That's what I've been telling them, and now they are willing to give me something I'd like to do. So I will stay, part time, and study at the university the rest of the time. Right now everything would be great, were it not for my messy love life. Will there ever be a time when everything is going well, simultaneously.

Life like a bubble

For five days I was in Paris with the best companion one could hope for, my darling darling J. We had a spectacular time. I've been to Paris many times before, but on my own. This time it was with a woman. It was very different, and rather wonderful. For five days we were like in a bubble, removed from all troubles of our everyday existence. Apart for the weather, everything was perfect.

But that was then, now I'm back at my depressing job. Only ten days left, I know, but still. Ten days can be a terribly long time sometimes.

What will happen next? I feel like too much is happening all at once. My stomach is feeling it at any event. It (he?) has not been happy since I got back home. I'm moving soon, I'm quitting soon, and my lovelife is more fraught than ever before. When will it all settle down? Hopefully in January. I think I need a long vacation, away from everything and everyone. Five days in Paris was pure bliss, but I need to get away for real. Probably all by myself.

I bought a cd in Paris with the music of Ennio Morricone. It truly is magnificent, and I've been playing in constantly since I got back. He's a genius, and composing still, even though he just turned 78. I wonder what it feels like when a concert hall is flooded with your own music.

Prosperous Prospects

It's silly I know, but the fact that there are actually people out there reading what I write, makes me feel obligated to write something regularly, and I don't write as often as I would like. But with the life I'm living, there is just not enough time.

It's late, and I'm tired, but it's been one hell of a week, I can tell you. For one thing she told me she loves me. And I said that I loved her to. So there, that's that, no? Alas, no, of course not, nothing is ever as simple as all that. I settle for what there is for the moment though.

Every day, when there is some kind of trouble at work, and there usually is, every day, I say to myself, well, just a few weeks more, and then I'll be leaving. And it feels so good! And apparently I will be able to get some funding for studying next year, which was a pleasant surprise. I like the shape of things to come right now. And on Friday, one week from today, I'm flying to Paris. I try to go there once a year, Paris is after all my favourite city, and this year I will for the first time visit it in late autumn, or perhaps early winter. I'm sure it will be just as lovely as always.

Hugs, Dreams and a Nice Cup of Tea

Some mornings you wake up and feel that this is going to be a tiresome day. Today was such a day. I tried to do the best I could, and it went smoothly enough. But I needed a hug badly and fortunately the best hugger in town came to my rescue. It seems to me that there is always something or someone that will cheer you up, no matter where you are, or how bad things are.

Things are really heating up at work. Everything is changing, and next year everything will be different. It's time to seize the opportunity and take action. The question is of course what course of action to take. Get in deeper, or quit? It seems to me that there is always something or someone that will make things more complicated, no matter where you are, or how complicated things are.

If I may be permitted to dream a little (and I may, since I am the boss of this blog), I think that what I really would like to do more than anything else right now is move to Australia, and try to find work there. Maybe in Melbourne, or perhaps way out somewhere, on some camel farm or something.

Well, that'll have to wait, first I want my cup of tea.

Death and General Relativity

What is one supposed to say when a friend's father dies? I don't know, so I say as little as possible. I keep in the background, and offer my silent support.

This has been one of many difficult things that has happened the last week. By far the worst for her, but I have had other problems of my own. Mostly at work. I'm so fed up with all the stuff going on, or rather, not going on. I spend most of my time trying to fix machines that have broken down, or trying to get a little professionalism in to proceedings. It's like I'm fighting an uphill battle, and now I feel that enough is enough. I'm always to soft, all to seldom speaking my mind. Well, no more mister Nice Guy! The glows are off!

In the world of physics, scientist are still, after a good many decades, trying to find out how to reconcile the theory of general relativity with quantum mechanics. String theory for example has had it pretty rough lately. I will not give advise on that, but there is a similar problem in every day life, how to reconcile what you want, and need, to do with what you actually do.