Monday, August 24, 2009

Photos




I should of course have posted some photos of Filmhuset. But here are some. I took them last week.

It's late in the evening, hence nobody around.


Friday, August 21, 2009

The house of films

I've now only one month left until I move to Scotland and only one week left at work. The first part is thrilling; the second part is weird and sad. I love my job, and as I've been studying and working at Filmhuset, the Swedish Film Institute's main building in Stockholm, since 1993, it's been like a second home for me for 16 years. That's my whole adult life (so far). Today I've been taking photographs of the building, feeling a bit blue. Yes, it's more than just friends and family I'm going to miss, that's for sure. In all its ugliness, this is a dear old place.


Monday, August 17, 2009

Home boy, the artist and the explorer.

Been spending the entire day at home taking care of stuff. Calling banks and insurance companies, putting out advertisments for my flat, reading up on things to remember when moving abroad, writing e-mails to people I need to write to, and pretty much sorting everything out. (Yes, I am actually rather proud of myself.)

And now I can relax for a week, for I've done everything that was on my list (or rather lists, I wrote a secondary list during the day as the first became redundant).

Yesterday I spent some hours alone with Maeby for the first time, when Lisa was working. I was actually a bit nervous, imagining all kinds of scenarios which involved illnesses, disappearances, accidents and bad behaviour. Of course nothing happened and her behaviour was beyond reproach. She really is the most adorable creature. Later, making dinner with Lisa, I felt stressed all of a sudden. Stressed because I've only got five weeks left here, with them.

I'm going to be in St Andrews for three years. I've never lived that long in one place since I left home 12 years ago. Is that normal for a 35 year old? It doesn't matter whether it's normal or not of course, but I just wondered if I would ever settle down and get some stability. It's not really in my DNA, but maybe I could at least stay for five years at the same place? Or maybe even 10?Will I ever? I used to believe I moved around because I was unhappy, but that's not the reason. It's just that I'm restless and curious about what's over there. That, and that I get bored so very easily. When I was little I played with Lego, but I only liked to build stuff. When I was finished I didn't play with what I had built. Either I would build something as a fashion statement, which I would then put on display, like I was a Lego artist, or I would build things that were intricate and imaginative, as a challenge to myself. And then destroy them and do something new. The artist and the explorer, that's the two sides of me.

I also am a big believer in freedom and independence. It's difficult to reach total independence, but I do need as much as I can get. It's in my bones. I'm afraid of being tied down, locked up, controlled and watched. Another reason why I won't settle down, won't get a permanent job or a permanent relationship.

Even now, when I'm very happy, when I like my apartment, myself, my life, still I don't want to settle. It's not an option.

There're a lot of qoutes I like to through around, from books and films, and I thought about writing a few here. But I won't. It's not necessary.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Clouds

Had something of an epiphany yesterday. There's a part of me which is unconsciously keeping me at a distance from things, either out of habit or due to a fear of being disappointed. I thought I had got rid of it, but with Lisa yesterday, I realized that I hadn't, I had just forgotten about it. Now I know better.

Oh, it's been a good week so far, full of positivity, friendliness and love. And I'm actually feeling rather calm, much to my surprise. I awoke calm this morning. (I also awoke a bit too early but that's of no consequence.)

The other day I saw a program on Discovery Science, a channel I didn't even knew I had. The program was about men who believe that ancient monuments such as the pyramids were built by aliens. Their argument is pretty much: "Oh, come on, clearly they were built by aliens." Some were also saying that not only did the aliens build the pyramids and Stonehenge and various other things, but they did also create the human race by crossbreeding Neanderthals with aliens or something like that. This is something that explains why we humans have this feeling of abandonment and loss. And yes, NASA and various governments are hiding the truth from us.

There are of course far too many questions raised by all this, questions which will never be answered. One is how they find the time to come up with all this nonsense. But hey, whatever works.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Back home

It's business as usual. Running, bonding, sleeping, eating, washing and sweating. Still hot.

I'm sorting out my personal archive together with Helene. Stuff written by me, or to me, or newspaper articles I've saved, it's all being organized finally. Now it's like my whole life is spread out on the floor, or at least the last 19 years. There's been a lot of that lately, and it's both nostalgic and interesting. To see both how I've changed and how I haven't.

Another nostalgic thing is to watch The Cosby Show on TV. Haven't seen it for 20 years maybe but on one of the many channels the airwaves are littered with these days, they're showing the old episodes again. It's not the best in television history (although very influential), but it's comforting to watch. Soothing somehow. It's weird though how much the acting abilities differ among the cast.

I've finished reading Wilfred Thesiger. I liked the book a lot. At one point he's trying to get some sleep in the cold desert night. He's very hungry and even more thirsty and is feeling miserable. But then he asks himself if there's some place he'd rather be and when he realizes that the answer to that question is No, he relaxes, stops feeling sorry about himself and falls asleep.

And from Thesiger I've moved on to C.P. Snow. I'm now on my third of his Strangers and Brothers novels, The Affair. It's not great literature but he's sharp and knowledgable and they're unputdownable. After reading them you almost feel like you're a Fellow at Cambridge yourself, and that the selection of a new Master (as in The Masters) are among the most important things in your life.

By the way, I hope you know I have a film blog as well? Fredrik on Film. Go nuts!