Wednesday, December 12, 2007

No space

Well, my myspace period was very, very short. There's a limit to a man's time. But now that I suddenly remembered my English blog, I might occasionally write a line or two here.

It's dark outside, as dark as my chocolate, but the light of the Christmas candles make it cosy and comforting inside. A helicopter is taking off outside my office and Rolling Stones is playing on the web radio. Five minutes left of my working day....

Monday, July 02, 2007

my other space

Things change, habits change, everything changes. I used to take great pleasure in writing here, but I found myself writing less and less frequent, until I stopped. I did other things instead. But if you want to read me on a regular basis these days, please visit www.myspace.com/fredrikzi, where I write a blog, every other day. I wonder for how long I'll keep it up.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Apartment Hunting and Book Reading

Long ago I promised I'd write about my thoughts on The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai. I have now begun reading it, and I'm currently at page 180 or something, halfway through. It isn't all that gripping I'm sorry to say, so I have taken a break. But I will finish it, just not just yet.

I'm also on the prowl for a new apartment, something smaller and cheaper than the one I got. There seems to be a lot of apartments out there which appeals to me, I just hope I will appeal to the apartments as well.

It's all so very relaxed at work, and I really really need that. It's almost comforting to go to work. But now I have three days off, and that is comforting to. Because I haven't anything needs to be done, I can continue to relax. After one year of abject stress, it feels almost to good to be true. I wonder for how long it will last.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Stranger Than Fiction

How can anyone be as cute as Maggie Gyllenhaal? A question that will not be easily answered, not even by the greatest of brains. I saw today Stranger Than Fiction in which she appears, ever so sweet. She is also very talented, and not shy of working on offbeat material. I like her, and her brother Jake as well. Some family.

Family is an interesting thing. When people talk of family they usually mean mother, father and children, but family is more than that if you ask me. And since I have some problem with my own, or more to the point, my parents, I take comfort in the fact that there are other (kinds of) families out there for me to join.

My relationship with my own parents are somewhat fraught, and I try to keep them at a distance. Compared to most, if not all, of my friends, I talk to, and see, my parents very seldom, and even so I think it is far to often. I wonder when I begun to withdraw. I think it was as soon as I was old enough to do so. Sometimes I feel that there must be something wrong with me, not really caring that much for my own mother and father, but there it is. It's not that we have any issues, or any quarrels, or anything like that. I just don't enjoy being with them. Maybe it will change when I get children of my own, who knows?

And if you are curious, I did enjoy Stranger Than Fiction immensely.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Easter Bunny

I've been celebrating Easter like there's no tomorrow, and I've been having a ball. Things are good, but, alas, time is short. But I'm still here, only not so much. Soon days will come when I will be writing more, and who knows, maybe even publish some photographs.

Always one for trying new things, I today twitted, or whatever it is called. There doesn't seem to be much fun in that, but time will tell, it always does. If you want to twitt(?), go to twitter.com, and see for yourself.

And now, I'm off to do some reading in my bed, although the hour is late. Tonight's book is Mr. Potter by Jamaica Kincaid.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Working Alone

It's one hour past the hour I usually leave my office, but I've stayed on, waiting for J. It's kind of nice being here, almost alone in the building. I can do what I want, and no colleagues are watching me.

I have finally begun sorting out my photographs at home. That's what I did last week. I have millions of them, from the day I was born, up until last summer, and now almost all of them are in albums, in chronological order. It's like my life has flashed before my eyes, and without me being in any kind of danger. I've wanted to do it for a long time, and now, when I'm almost done, a sense of relief, mixed up with a sense of nostalgia, has filled me.

And now J. is calling. Time to leave.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Fun, and sun, at last

It's been almost a month since last I wrote. My excuse is that I've been so busy I haven't had the time to write. But I'm making an effort today, not wanting to disappoint my few readers too much.

I'm having such fun at work, and I love it. It's a nice thing to feel, and I hope the feeling will last for the rest of the year (after that I'm pretty sure I would like to do something else anyway) and I see no reason why not.

Should I move in with J.? She said the other day that she felt it would be nice. I don't know if she has thought this through, but the idea is appealing.

Spring has finally arrived, and I'm taking every opportunity to be outside, revelling in it. Today I took a two hour walk, and I felt like I had wings. There isn't much in this world that makes me happier than walking in sunshine. Tomorrow I'm planning an even longer walk, but I think it's high time to stack up on allergy medicine. There's a whole bunch of crap flying around in the air, now that it's warm, and the mucous membranes in my eyes/nose/throat are not amused. And neither am I come to think of it.

My, oh my, how tired I am. This will not do. My pillow is beckoning me, I'm afraid I have to go now. I promise it will be less than a month to my next entry.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Phones and Essays

I bought a cordless phone the other day, and I feel like it's the beginning of a new era. I've been meaning to get one since forever, and now, finally, freedom has arrived. Since I'm so very seldom home, I have only used it twice so far, but it felt good.

When not talking on the phone. I'm supposed to be writing on an essay. It's not all that funny, not because it's difficult, but because it's boring. But I'm in no hurry, so I can afford myself the luxury of going about it slowly.

I'm no longer as sad and upset as I was when last I wrote. Now the feeling that lingers on is loneliness, not actually sadness. And loneliness is easier to handle than sadness. One thing though is making it harder, and that is the time of year. I wonder when it will be warm again, when winter will vanish. Loneliness comes easier when it's cold and dark outside.

I'm reading For Whom the Bell Tolls at the moment, and I love it, and I feel like I always want to carry a copy of it with me. Some books by Hemingway have that effect on me, like I want to pat them, after I've finished reading them. I wonder why.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

The Cough, the Sneeze and the Sorrow of Loneliness

Apparently I have a cold, and on top of that I'm feeling so lonely. I feel like I might as well throw away my mobile phone, since she is never going to call me, or text me, again. It's over, apparently, and I've been handling it well I think, but I'm sad, tired, lonely and numb. I don't know what to do.

I wonder for how long this feeling will last.

If I hadn't this cold, I might be out trying to entertain myself, but now I'm alone in my apartment. I've been watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond and Dharma and Greg on TV, but that amuses you only up to a point. Merde!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

The Westerner

For some reason I have fallen under the spell of the wild west. Lately that has led me to watch a lot of films by John Ford, reading My Ántonia by Willa Cather, and listening to famous themes from famous western movies. I have even been reading Lucky Luke, the French-Belgian comic books. This isn't something new, I have long had this soft spot for the frontier, ever since I was a child. And not just the American west of course, but the Australian equivalent as well. One of the best books I have read on the subject of frontier life, and early settlers, takes place in Australia, and is written by an Australian: The Tree of Man by Patrick White.

While we're on the subject, today I saw an interview with senator Barack Obama, and what suddenly struck me was how much he looks like some character from the Lucky Luke albums. Should the senator be reading this, I hope he understands that I mean in affectionately.

I have been on my new job for four days now, and I haven't done much yet, but it seems to me to be most agreeable. More news will follow. Now I'm hungry and in urgent need of food.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Melting Snow and Changing Jobs


Yesterday my new life begun. Possibly. We will soon find out. That was my first day free from my last dysfunctional job. Now I have a few days off, and will begin a new job next week. It feels good, I can tell you. It's like I'm finally relaxed after two years of stress. I'm off on a little trip this weekend, to celebrate. Just me. I won't even bring my mobile phone with me. I need to be alone.

What's sad is that the snow is beginning to melt. Now is probably the most unagreeable part of winter, when everything is ugly and grey outside, and the trees look dark and hostile, after having been so beautifully covered up in all that whiteness.

But the snow only melts in the real world, on my photographs it is eternal.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Snow White But Zero Dwarfs

It's been snowing for two days and everything is covered with a thick, soft, white layer of snow, and it's ever so pretty outside. It's a shame it'll soon turn grey or black, and just cause problems for pedestrians and drivers.

It's been a remarkably quiet weekend, and not only because the snow muffles the sounds outdoors. I haven't had any "musts", so I have been able to leisurely do whatever I have felt like. A as is so often the case, I felt like being with J. We spent the better part of Saturday watching the second season of Sex and the City, crawled up under a blanket, drinking tea, and keeping each other warm. What more could one possible ask for? Season three perhaps, which I hope we will get for next weekend.

I will probably be a bit short of cash this spring, because I will have a new job, and work less hours. I wonder what I will have to cut down on. Or maybe I should find some extra source of income, maybe try to get a few hours each month working as a substitute teacher. Oh, I don't know. Most of all I would just like to get away from it all for a month and get my strenght back, after the agonizingly stressful year of 2006. Apparently I will not be able to, but I will try to get a week at the very least. I think I need it, and what's more, I think I deserve it. I've been thinking about Spain, the southwest, around Cordoba and Seville. But since J. and I are planning a trip to Canada this summer, maybe I should save my money and just go visit a friend in a nearby city.

But first things first, now I will brush my teeth.

Monday, January 15, 2007

The Cold and the Hunger

Well, it isn't actually particularly cold, considering the time of year, but still, I don't like it when I'm freezing. My apartment is so cold also, so every morning there is a struggle between the (warm) bed and the (cold) floor), with me in between. In Korea they all have a heating system underneath the floor, which is one reason why moving there is such an appealing idea.

Doo Seon is getting married next week, and I will not be there. There is nothing appealing in that.

It seems it doesn't matter how much I eat for breakfast, I'm always hungry after an hour anyway. Why is that? I hope the necessary research is being conducted this very minute.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Crying and Waiting

It's been raining harshly today, and all my clothes are hung up to dry. The rain mixed with my tears, as the first woman I have ever truly loved said that we must end our relationship. Ours is a special relation, and we will still be seeing each other, but not in the way I had hoped (but never really believed).

Things have changed back and forth these last weeks, and they might very well change again, so all is not lost. But I'm sad just the same, and so I cried for the first time in years, and for the first time ever because of love. A testimony of sorts of how different my feelings are for her, compared with my feelings for all the other women I have known (but not loved).

It's so very late, and I'm so tired I will probably sleep like a baby. At least I hope I will.