Home boy, the artist and the explorer.

Been spending the entire day at home taking care of stuff. Calling banks and insurance companies, putting out advertisments for my flat, reading up on things to remember when moving abroad, writing e-mails to people I need to write to, and pretty much sorting everything out. (Yes, I am actually rather proud of myself.)

And now I can relax for a week, for I've done everything that was on my list (or rather lists, I wrote a secondary list during the day as the first became redundant).

Yesterday I spent some hours alone with Maeby for the first time, when Lisa was working. I was actually a bit nervous, imagining all kinds of scenarios which involved illnesses, disappearances, accidents and bad behaviour. Of course nothing happened and her behaviour was beyond reproach. She really is the most adorable creature. Later, making dinner with Lisa, I felt stressed all of a sudden. Stressed because I've only got five weeks left here, with them.

I'm going to be in St Andrews for three years. I've never lived that long in one place since I left home 12 years ago. Is that normal for a 35 year old? It doesn't matter whether it's normal or not of course, but I just wondered if I would ever settle down and get some stability. It's not really in my DNA, but maybe I could at least stay for five years at the same place? Or maybe even 10?Will I ever? I used to believe I moved around because I was unhappy, but that's not the reason. It's just that I'm restless and curious about what's over there. That, and that I get bored so very easily. When I was little I played with Lego, but I only liked to build stuff. When I was finished I didn't play with what I had built. Either I would build something as a fashion statement, which I would then put on display, like I was a Lego artist, or I would build things that were intricate and imaginative, as a challenge to myself. And then destroy them and do something new. The artist and the explorer, that's the two sides of me.

I also am a big believer in freedom and independence. It's difficult to reach total independence, but I do need as much as I can get. It's in my bones. I'm afraid of being tied down, locked up, controlled and watched. Another reason why I won't settle down, won't get a permanent job or a permanent relationship.

Even now, when I'm very happy, when I like my apartment, myself, my life, still I don't want to settle. It's not an option.

There're a lot of qoutes I like to through around, from books and films, and I thought about writing a few here. But I won't. It's not necessary.