Phones and Essays

I bought a cordless phone the other day, and I feel like it's the beginning of a new era. I've been meaning to get one since forever, and now, finally, freedom has arrived. Since I'm so very seldom home, I have only used it twice so far, but it felt good.

When not talking on the phone. I'm supposed to be writing on an essay. It's not all that funny, not because it's difficult, but because it's boring. But I'm in no hurry, so I can afford myself the luxury of going about it slowly.

I'm no longer as sad and upset as I was when last I wrote. Now the feeling that lingers on is loneliness, not actually sadness. And loneliness is easier to handle than sadness. One thing though is making it harder, and that is the time of year. I wonder when it will be warm again, when winter will vanish. Loneliness comes easier when it's cold and dark outside.

I'm reading For Whom the Bell Tolls at the moment, and I love it, and I feel like I always want to carry a copy of it with me. Some books by Hemingway have that effect on me, like I want to pat them, after I've finished reading them. I wonder why.

The Cough, the Sneeze and the Sorrow of Loneliness

Apparently I have a cold, and on top of that I'm feeling so lonely. I feel like I might as well throw away my mobile phone, since she is never going to call me, or text me, again. It's over, apparently, and I've been handling it well I think, but I'm sad, tired, lonely and numb. I don't know what to do.

I wonder for how long this feeling will last.

If I hadn't this cold, I might be out trying to entertain myself, but now I'm alone in my apartment. I've been watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond and Dharma and Greg on TV, but that amuses you only up to a point. Merde!

The Westerner

For some reason I have fallen under the spell of the wild west. Lately that has led me to watch a lot of films by John Ford, reading My Ántonia by Willa Cather, and listening to famous themes from famous western movies. I have even been reading Lucky Luke, the French-Belgian comic books. This isn't something new, I have long had this soft spot for the frontier, ever since I was a child. And not just the American west of course, but the Australian equivalent as well. One of the best books I have read on the subject of frontier life, and early settlers, takes place in Australia, and is written by an Australian: The Tree of Man by Patrick White.

While we're on the subject, today I saw an interview with senator Barack Obama, and what suddenly struck me was how much he looks like some character from the Lucky Luke albums. Should the senator be reading this, I hope he understands that I mean in affectionately.

I have been on my new job for four days now, and I haven't done much yet, but it seems to me to be most agreeable. More news will follow. Now I'm hungry and in urgent need of food.

Melting Snow and Changing Jobs

Yesterday my new life begun. Possibly. We will soon find out. That was my first day free from my last dysfunctional job. Now I have a few days off, and will begin a new job next week. It feels good, I can tell you. It's like I'm finally relaxed after two years of stress. I'm off on a little trip this weekend, to celebrate. Just me. I won't even bring my mobile phone with me. I need to be alone.

What's sad is that the snow is beginning to melt. Now is probably the most unagreeable part of winter, when everything is ugly and grey outside, and the trees look dark and hostile, after having been so beautifully covered up in all that whiteness.

But the snow only melts in the real world, on my photographs it is eternal.